Each weekday afternoon KBYU airs an ongoing television series titled Heartland, not one episode of which I’ve ever watched. However, in the course of changing channels I’m obliged to toggle through it, the result being a momentary glimpse of a single scene. If said scene includes either a horse or a cowboy hat, I deposit a dollar into a tip jar. Said jar is now so stuffed that I could afford to buy myself a small ranch, complete with a horse and hat of my own. Thus equipped, I might at long last become a real American.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, here’s the deal: Folks who reside in the boondocks are the real Americans, whereas city slickers are a bunch of woke libtards who lean Democratic. In Utah, this means our Republican congressmen steer clear of Salt Lake City, only showing up a rural town halls where Stetson hats and belt buckles the size of trash can lids are standard attire.
Nonetheless, our regional cowboys consider themselves oppressed by the federal government, Take, for example, the Bundy Clan, who awhile back staged an armed standoff against BLM agents, whose lives evidently don’t mater in Bunkerville,
Bunkerville? It’s an unincorporated settlement just across the border in Nevada, which has even more public land than Utah. It’s somewhere between Mesquite and Riverside–a patriotic stronghold consisting of a single gated compound and two towering flagpoles erected by “We The People.” I once stopped to snap a picture but didn’t linger, least I be accosted by whoever might be scoping me out.
Perhaps after I get myself a big hat and a pony I’ll be considered less of a threat to the established order. Moreover, I’ll have more money in my pocket. Turns out ranching is heavily subsidized by the federal government, whereas freelance writing is not, Also, let’s face it. Who would ever watch a show about some hatless, horseless hack who spends his solitary hours toiling over a coffee stained keyboard?