I didn’t raise myself to be a soldier; however, I very much enjoyed being a Boy Scout. I joined the program at the age of twelve and wore the uniform well into my teens–laboring under the belief that an Eagle Scout could enter the armed forces at the rank of Captain. After being disabused of that notion by an Army recruiter, I decided instead to enlist in the Peace Corps, only to be discharged early due to “excessive idealism.”
Unlike my father, whose hand-me-down scout uniform I never quite grew into, I never rose to the rank of Eagle. I only got as high as Star, which is not to say I didn’t collect a chestful of campaign ribbons and patches. I underwent an arduous winter survival course in the High Sierras; I hiked the Spanish Trail not once but twice. I served as Assistant Scoutmaster at Camp Maple Dell, where I was inducted into the Order of the Arrow following a top-secret initiation ceremony, the details of which I’ve shared in a previous post. I attended many a regional camporee but never a National Jamboree, for which I have no regrets.
Here’s the deal: Nowadays, Boy Scouts who attend a National Jamboree run the risk of having to sit through a laborious address by Donald J. Trump, a speech in which he’ll touch upon lofty goals such as big yachts, fat bank accounts, fancy estates and glamorous trophy wives with high cheek bones and poofy lips. I mean, what young man in America doesn’t dream of growing old and fat, but also rich and powerful enough to attract a Slovenian lingerie model who hates his guts?
But wait! If you happened to miss out on the National Jamboree but later should find yourself at a graduation ceremony at West Point, Donald Trump will again shuffle to the podium and once again, he’ll ramble on about big yachts, fat bank accounts, fancy estates and spiteful trophy wives. And at the end of his meandering monologue, you’ll rise and shout, “Hoo-rah!” Because you will have learned the first and most important rule to getting along in an autocratic society, which is to keep your mouth shut and fall into line.