I happen to know a thing about photography, and I’m here to tell you that picture of Donald Trump is no mug shot. Moreover, contrary to what “many people” are saying, the former guy bears no resemblance whatever to Winston Churchill.
The photograph of Churchill was taken by the great Canadian portraitist Yousuf Karsh, whereas mug shots are, as a rule, taken by people who flunked out of photography school. Either that, or they are trying to make you look bad, same as you do in your driver’s license picture, in which the lighting is flat and the lens angle is low. Moreover, the person snapping your driver’s license picture is deliberately trying to catch you off guard—same as you were moments before you were killed in that terrible auto accident. Afterward, the investigating officer will hold a flashlight to your mangled corpse, compare what he’s seeing to the photo on your driver’s license, and say, “Yep, that’s him.”
According to the booking data, Donald Trump stands six foot three and weighs only 215 pounds. Are the scales of justice that out of whack? I’m five foot seven and weigh in at two hundred. Which is fat, I regret to say. But Donald Trump is much, much fatter than I am. Trump has a body mass index akin to that of a blue whale, and no way in hell does he stand six foot three. Where, oh where, are the horizontal background lines? And where is the profile shot that so unkindly highlights the fat neck and double chin? I have a fat neck, but it’s nowhere near as fat as Donald Trump’s.
And, finally, I have hair. You can’t see it in my driver’s license picture, but it so happens I have a beautiful head of hair. I do not have a comb-over, nor do I spend hours upon hours each day carefully pasting it into place. Donald Trump is bald! And the sooner his remaining supporters become familiar with the fact, the better off we’ll be as a country.