I read that there’s a nationwide shortage of lifeguards—which baffles me because of all the jobs I’ve ever had, lifeguarding was the best. To be paid for sunbathing and flexing, what more could a young man ask for?
True, the job didn’t pay much—only $1.40 per hour—but, so what? My overhead was small; I’d taken up residence in a former bait shack, rent free, and the girls at the snack bar slipped me free burgers on the condition I refrain from jumping into the pool to save a drowning person for at least one hour after lunch. No matter—the only time I ever jumped into the water, the pool had to be evacuated due to the resulting baby oil slick.
True, the gig entailed some unpleasant duties. At day’s end, it fell to me to hose down the dressing rooms and retrieve soggy cigarette butts from urinals. But, honestly, what more can a young man with a bachelor’s degree in English Literature hope for?
Reading further, I see that not only swimming pools but also public beaches are being closed due to a dearth of lifeguards. Unfortunately, at my age I’m probably no match for sharks and undertow. But what I can do is sit on a lifeguard stand, provided it includes ramp access, and shout, “Get off my lawn!” Scratch that. I mean, “No running!”
See, that’s the usual bad thing that happens at a public swimming pool. Someone slips on a wet surface and conks his or her head. Nothing a lifeguard can do then but call for a paramedic.
Another danger area is where the shallow end merges with the deep end. So-called gutter hangers who can’t swim venture past the rope, or where a rope is supposed to be, and suddenly find themselves in over their heads. They don’t cry out for help—only in the movies do drowning people cry for help. Instead, they thrash. So, you keep an eye out for excessive turbulence.
The boy whose life I saved that summer had gone under unnoticed, probably because I wasn’t on duty at the time. Another swimmer stumbled upon him and hoisted his unresponsive body onto the deck. Diane, the lifeguard on duty with whom I’d been chatting through the fence turned to me for help, at which point I became something other than a helpless bystander. I’ve never taken a class in resuscitation; however, I’d been engaging in mouth-to-mouth exercises all summer long with the girls at the snack bar. Two or three puffs and voila! The victim sputtered back to life!
Bottom line: Lifeguarding may not pay much, but still, it may very well be the best job you ever had.