I feel obligated to comment on the ongoing trial of Gwyneth Paltrow for reckless endangerment, currently underway in Park City—a ski resort where people go in hopes of running into a celebrity, not by being run into by one. The plaintiff is an elderly man who evidently didn’t see or hear her coming.
I haven’t been following the case closely because (1) I’m not interested, and (2) I don’t understand how anyone could be terribly injured on a bunny slope in Park City. I mean, Park City runs are practically flat compared to, say, High Rustler at Alta. Then again, you won’t find many competent skiers at Park City. I’ve skied there only once, and I was astonished at how helpless everyone was. I watched in amazement as one tripped and broke a leg while standing in line at the lodge buffet.
Perhaps he was distracted. I mean, you can’t ski at Park City without a cell phone. I remember sitting on a Park City lift beside a man who was chatting with his son, who was riding another ski lift in Aspen, Colorado.
I’d been given a free lift pass by a neighbor who works for a high-end ski boot maker; otherwise, I’d never have risked life and limb on a Park City bunny hill or cafeteria. I live on the opposite side of the Wasatch Range, and my go-to spots are Alta and Brighton. Both get far more snow than Park City and both are situated in bowls, which are more interesting than mountainsides. In addition to downhill runs, bowls offer circuitous trails. Nothing is quite as invigorating as gliding through the forest after dark at Brighton, going from one spotlight to another like Jimmy Durrante bidding goodnight to Mrs. Calabash, wherever she is.
Like many Utahans, I learned to ski at Brighton on the broad forgiving Majestic run, half of which has since been turned into a half pipe for snowboarders, alas. I say alas because everyone knows that snowboarders are basically a-holes. In fact, boarders are banned from Alta, and I’m surprised that they haven’t taken legal action because, let’s face it, a ban on boarders is blatant discrimination. Perhaps it’s because snowboarders are unfamiliar with the rule of law?
Last time I skied at Brighton, I returned to the parking lot to discover someone had stolen the driver’s side mirror off my vintage VW bus. Since that day, happiness has been Brighton ski resort in what would be my rear view mirror, if I still had one.
So now my resort of choice is Alta, but I haven’t gone there lately, not since the price of lift passes shot through the roof. Time was when I could ski Alta for just ten bucks on Wednesdays; today, a daylong lift pass will set one back $179. But wait! Just now, while google searching lift prices, I learned that adults eighty years and older can ski free at Alta. Yippee! I’ll be turning eighty next week! So you should come upon my vintage VW bus creeping up Little Cottonwood Canyon, feel free to honk your horn. But don’t expect me to hear you coming. And, of course, I won’t see you, either.
