So, I’ve been binge watching THE CROWN on Netflix, and it occurs to me that what forty-eight percent of the American public yearns for is a royal family—ideally, one that isn’t burdened with irksome issues of governance. Basically, just vacuous celebrities who make public appearances from time to time, waving to adoring crowds from balconies or from inside bulletproof limousines—stuff like that. America’s version of the House of Windsor would be the House of Trump and the series could be titled THE CLOWN.
I look to FOX Television to broadcast the show. I mean, who better to wallow in palace intrigue and scurrilous scandals than Sean Hannity? So let’s appoint him spokesman for the royal family, which, in fact, he already is. Where is King Donald golfing this weekend? And where in the world is Queen Melania? Is Rudy Giuliani melting down? Is Lord of the Flies Mike Pence alive? Is Stormy Daniels a tropical depression forming off the coast of Colorado? National Enquiring minds want to know!
From time to time King Donald will appear on a balcony of Bedminster Palace, sans face mask, in order to address the MAGA-hatted horde. “Thanks to a sweep of my royal Sharpie,” he proclaims, “Stormy Daniels no longer poses a threat. The Corona Virus has disappeared—like a miracle, it just went away. My son-in-law Prince Jared has achieved peace in the Middle East; Princess Ivanka is currently redecorating Air Force One.”
Air Force One? I was under the impression it had been scrapped as part of President Biden’s efforts to stop the spread of COVID 19. But no, evidently it was a parting gift from the incoming administration, on the condition the royal family climb aboard and get the hell out of Washington. Oh, well. At least they didn’t make off with the White House silverware and towels.
The best thing about THE CLOWN is that should I grow weary of watching, I can simply change the channel. Not a problem for someone who never saw a single episode of The Apprentice, nor have I bothered keeping up with the Kardashians. I mean, seriously folks, who gives a royal ****?