So I understand there’s a facsimile of a Volkswagen bus on the market, one that will supposedly bring back the zeitgeist of the late sixties and early seventies. As the proud owner of a 1973 Kombi, I’m here to tell you it’s not gonna happen. Not with Donald Trump in the White House and millions of disgruntled rednecks roaming America’s highways.
Take, for example, long haul truckers–all of whom take exception to sharing the road with my little orange van. Turns out I can overtake them going uphill, only to be menaced on the descent.
“I’m gonna blow the doors off that hippie van,” comes a voice over channel 19 as a massive radiator looms large in my rear view mirror. And yes, I do have a citizen’s band transceiver mounted under my dash, just iso I can be forewarned of such assaults. My handle is Armadillo, which truckers invariably pronounce “Armadildo.”
They don’t like me because they suspect I’m getting free love, whereas it costs them a minimum of forty dollars a pop at Donna’s Hacienda–not counting monthly alimony and child support payments. Will they regard the ID Buzz more charitably? Possibly. Because in a Buzz, you can go just as fast as a semi, all while multi-tasking, same as a semi driver.
In a real Volkswagen bus, there’s no room for multi-tasking. Both feet are busy with the floor pedals and it takes both hands to turn the oversized steering wheel. If you’re smart, you’ll monitor crosswind velocity using roadside vegetation as a windsock, at the same time keeping a lookout for obstacles up ahead. In a Volkswagen bus, you can’t afford to run into anything. If you do, you’ll be the first to arrive at the scene of the accident.
To date, my beloved bus and I have logged a quarter million accident-free miles; however, I don’t drive it nearly as much as I used to, the main reason being that highways nowadays are too crowded, and everyone is going much too fast. Moreover, no one seems to be in a good mood.
Upside is, whenever I do take it out, children on the sidewalk point and jump and down with joy. At some vestigial level, it appears that humankind would still like to have a little fun.
